*This is a column the Free Press ran when I was in town back in March for Laura and Jeff’s wedding*

After spending a good portion of my 20s in the Keys, I think I lost sight of the fact that real life exists south of Homestead.

And now as an outsider (boo hiss), it has been made clear to me that it is easy to forget that Keys denizens march through the banal steps of life just like anyone else. I realized this during my first few months off of the rock when I fielded questions about all of the wacky things I must have gone through living down there.

When presented with this situation, you have two options. You can lie about your experience living in the Keys, which is morally wrong, or fess up to the fact that the average person pretty much goes through an average life, just with better weather.

So after I tell people about the time I saved all of those swimsuit models from a killer giant octopus that washed ashore of Sombrero Beach, I’m forced to admit that I was pretty much just a regular guy, albeit with a dynamite tan.

Anyone who has had a mainland guest visit them in the Keys can attest to the fact that most people believe we are all kiteboard instructors with unlimited days off down here.

I got experience some of that during my latest weekend trip to the Keys, which unlike my last one involved slightly more than landing in town, loading up a box truck and hauling out with the meager belongings I left behind when I first moved.

In fact, this trip was so high class I got to actually fly both ways. One trip even included my wearing a suit on the plane since I left straight from work. This is the closest my life will ever get to being like Mad Men.

First up on the docket, why only welcoming new life into the world. My friend Christine, longtime readers may remember her as the golf partner who once whiffed four consecutive times on the first tee, and her husband Steve had a baby. When I told baby Nate that he might get mentioned in my column, he seemed rather uninterested, which I though was kind of rude. Although since he is only seven weeks old, maybe he hasn’t gotten a chance to read my full body of work. He’ll be the first to get a signed copy of my upcoming book, “A boring life told somewhat interestingly.” Pre-order now.

I also got to go to my friends Jeff and Laura’s wedding. As I am in the midst of planning my own behemoth of a wedding ceremony, it was nice to be able to kick back and enjoy the fruits of somebody else’s mind-numbing labor.

And imagine my surprise to find out I had been seated at a table that was chock full of fans of my old column. Such worth fans included me, my fiance, my old boss and his girlfriend. What a murderer’s row!

I was willing to take in any kind of recognition that I could get. Now that I live in the vast suburbia of Long Island, nobody cares about my mediocre accomplishments.

All in all, it was great to come back to see my old stomping grounds, and furthermore how the inhabitants of said grounds are moving through life. I probably won’t be able to make it back for some time as I get into the home stretch of all this wedding businesses, so I trust all of you will put your important life activities on hold until a more convenient time for me arises.

Rob Busweiler is a former writer and charismatic face of the Marathon and Big Pine Free Press. Send all birth, wedding and jenga tournament announcements to rob.busweiler@gmail.com. Follow him online at tidewaters.wordpress.com

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